we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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