I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
