nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
