I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
