i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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