Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
