Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
