Screwed.edu
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
