Pants 0. Shit 1.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
