I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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