i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
