So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
