"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
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a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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