Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
