Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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