Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
