I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
