My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
