I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
