Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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