I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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