Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
