Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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