so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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