Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
