My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
