Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
