So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
