Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All the doctor said was why
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize