I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
