I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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