STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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