i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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