GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
