the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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