singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
