have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
