if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Redeem this text for a blowjob
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
