yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
