I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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