he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
