just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
