I will die if light touches me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Vodka?
Forever.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
