Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
