I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
