Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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