He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
