Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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