Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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