I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
