I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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