This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
