i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
