Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize