how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
