and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
