Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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