and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
