I'm really into asian looking animals
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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