drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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