She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
