I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
