yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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