you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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