I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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