Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
