Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
