Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
