i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
