why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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