Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm having to shit out rocks
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