Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
sex in a hospital.. check
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
