Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
