the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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