I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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