I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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