If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
