just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Gay?
German.
Pity.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
