Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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