Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This house was built for laser tag.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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