you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize