just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
