i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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