so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
